If Life gives you..

[Fenrir]

...don't take him dancing.

If life gives you a shock of orange hair...

[Celestia Fayette]

Don't shock the hair, it might have a person attached.

If Life gives you a barrel of Fae...

[Fenrir]

...pour some hops in there and come back in a few months to a year.

if life gives you a lemon squeezer (but not lemons)

[Celestia Fayette]

, make limeade.

If life gives you drugs..

[Fenrir]

buy a fedora, go through chemotherapy, and become the worlds most famous drug dealer.

if life gives you a broken lightbulb...

[Celestia Fayette]

Buy a transportation device that allows you to stay in the daytime parts of the world.

If Life gives you a shiny turtle..

[Fenrir]

"It is (approximate) forbidden to (approximate) disassemble, (approximate) decompile, or (approximate) reverse-engineer Judgmental Turtle. Judgmental Turtle is for (approximate) entertainment purposes only; some (approximate) jurisdictions impose (untranslatable) on the use of Judgmental Turtle in (approximate) gambling. The (approximate) manufacturers of Judgmental Turtle are not responsible for any damages, injury, loss of life, or (untranslatable) which may result from the (approximate) misuse of Judgmental Turtle. Judgmental Turtle is for (approximate) entertainment purposes only. Do not use Judgmental Turtle for (approximate) mission-critical applications, (approximate) major life choices, or (untranslatable). Enjoy Judgmental Turtle."

If life gives you a drink machine that will produce literally any liquid you ask it for...

[Celestia Fayette]

Open up the hatch and enjoy! (Really Fenny? Where is that even from?)

If Life gives you a camera that takes pictures from fifty years ago in the present...

[Fenrir]

go to Dallas and take pictures of the grassy gnoll It's from SCP-698

if life gives you the super-power of being friction-proof...

[Justice]

Hope someone's near you to keep you from going on and on forever...

If Life gives you Lelouch Vi Britannia...

[Fenrir]

...don't make eye contact. NEVER MAKE EYE CONTACT.

If life gives you a Guren S.E.I.T.E.N. Eight Elements...

[Justice]

Get in that thing and take over the World!

If life gives you a Geass Canceler...

[Fenrir]

then, and only then, can you meet that Lelouche kid's eyes.

If life gives you Mao's Geass

[LightTogekiss]

Turn up the C.C.

If life gives you a Kallen bunny girl...

[Fenrir]

open a casino.

If life gives you radioactive plutonium...